Love and Marriageby Joe Sobran
fitzgerald griffin foundation
[Classic from The Wanderer, December 19, 1996] — We are hearing an unusual amount of nonsense about same-sex marriage these days, thanks to that Hawaiian judge. The best way to get to the heart of the problem may be to examine a typical sample of the nonsense.
Last week’s Hawaii court ruling has increased the tempo of our morals police, who are determined to impose their values on our lives. Unfortunately, there is no shortage of political demagogues willing to build their careers on fear of change.
“The court ruling has been a cause for jubilation for those who believe in justice. The issue of marriage goes far beyond the commitment of two people of the same sex. It goes to the civil rights of gay and lesbian Americans. The effort to ban same-sex marriage would deny us the basic right accorded to our neighbors and friends. The issue involves immigration, taxation, family leave, health care, adoption, Medicare, and numerous other benefits and rights. I don’t know one American who would willingly surrender any of these rights.”
“Rights.” Well, where do we begin to refute this farrago of confusion? I, for one, would willingly surrender my “right” to Medicare, which is no right at all. Gay and lesbian Americans have the same right to marry as anyone else. But “marrying” means marrying someone of the opposite sex (and of the age of consent, and of the human race, among other conditions). Homosexuals don’t have the right to marry someone of the same sex, but then, neither do heterosexual people.
The institution, in other words, is based on social necessity. Approval or disapproval of homosexuality and other deviancies is secondary, or simply irrelevant. Only procreative combinations necessitate permanent unions, for the sake of children, the security of women, the continuance of dynasties, property distribution, inheritance, and so forth. Maybe you can find a tribe somewhere that has some form of homosexual marriage, or for that matter homosexual polygamy. But for most societies it wouldn’t make much sense.
Many people choose not to exercise their right to marry, either because they are disinclined or because they are incapable of performing its duties. In fact, marriage, in many or most societies, is more a duty than a right. Mixner says he is “sad that people are so frightened of Patrick’s and my love” and implies that those people are inhibited by “fear of change,” thereby trivializing opposition to same-sex marriage by stereotyping the motives of those who reject it. Fearful or not, those “people” basically feel that same-sex marriage is an absurdity. I suspect that they laugh at it more than they tremble at it.
Andrew Sullivan, a gay activist and advocate of same-sex marriage who also calls himself Catholic and conservative, put it this way in a televised debate with William Bennett: “Love in marriage is about one person to another person completely forever in fidelity.” The “real issue,” he added, “is the equality and dignity and humanity of so many Americans.”
In his recent book on the subject, Sullivan says that homosexual marriages might make room for occasional sexual liaisons with others; so his conception of “marriage” redefines it to require neither the opposite sex nor fidelity! Yet he feels victimized because most people are reluctant to adapt the institution in such a way as to change it beyond recognition.
The popular idea of marriage is that it’s based on romantic love. From this, of course, it follows that when romantic love gutters out, it’s time to end the marriage. The marriage vow isn’t really a vow; it’s an ecstatic prediction that your passion will never wane. And if it does wane, you not only can’t be held to your vow; you have grounds for divorce. By this reasoning, it’s merely incidental which sex the person to whom you make the vow belongs to.
This exaltation of romantic love is a recent Western heresy. Samuel Johnson observed long ago that it’s generally a weak man who marries for love. After all, there are many ways of falling in love, and not all of them conduce to stable marriage.
The argument about same-sex marriage shows how completely we have forgotten form — the nature and essence of the institution we contemplate further tampering with. It’s not even a question of whether homosexuality is a perversion. One could be morally indifferent to it without seeing any need to recognize homosexual unions as marriages.
Let’s just acknowledge that modern society has gone crazy. At bottom, it equates “rights” with happiness, and happiness with sexual pleasure. The demand for same-sex marriage, despite what its proponents insist, is very much a demand that the law express approval of homosexual pleasure. I hope we’re not yet that crazy,
Copyright © 2017 by the Fitzgerald Griffin Foundation. All rights reserved.
You can read this and 116 other Sobran columns in the collection of his essays titled, Subtracting Christianity: Essays on American Culture and Society (FGF Books, 2015).Subtracting Christianity and Hustler: The Clinton Legacy, a collection of 82 essays written by Joe Sobran’s collection during Bill Clinton's years in the White House, would make great presents for your pastor, friends, family and colleagues.
Joe Sobran (1946-2010) was a syndicated columnist for over 35 years.
Sign-Up to receive weekly columns by Sobran and other writers.
A mission of the Fitzgerald Griffin Foundation is to promote and preserve Joe Sobran’s writing. To help us with this mission, please
donate online or by calling us at 877-726-0058, or by sending your tax-deductible donation to:
@ 2021 Fitzgerald Griffin Foundation